i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
