he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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