i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
