So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
