Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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