I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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