You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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