I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
