how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
