I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Randomize
