Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
