Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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