You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
