You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
