Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have already put on my inside pants.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
