I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
