summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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