I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
