I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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