Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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