Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
