I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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