How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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