do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
