the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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