That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize
