just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
