I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
