k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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