I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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