i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i love accidental penises.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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