nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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