two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
