i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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