Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you made out with another girl for some wings
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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