Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
