OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
