Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
