Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
