I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
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