return my video game
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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