they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
