You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
i think i just lost a toe
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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