When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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