We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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