I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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