I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
