I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
