Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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