Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
